MAN as Mentors

Today's boys will be tomorrow’s fathers; you’ve got to be there-to help them find their way to manhood.  All they need is your time and energy to help them grow into healthy young men. 

Boys are flooded with influences outside of the home.  Sometimes it comes from friends, the neighborhood, to television and the internet.  They hear it in music, they see it in movies.  They gather all kinds of messages about what it means to “be a man” – that they have to be tough, strong, and in control.  There are conflicting and sometimes harmful messages being given to boys about what constitutes “being a man”.  One message is “boys will be boys”.  This common societal standard is inappropriate and destructive.  Boys do not need excuses for their behavior.  What they need is your advice on how to behave and what constitutes being a real man in life. 

Boys are watching how you and other men relate to each other and women in your life to figure out their own self image towards friends and girls.  Teach then early and often, let them know the terms of real manhood and that there is no place for violence in their lives.

Here’s how you do it:

Be a role model for him by being a better man.  Recognize false masculinity in the fact that athletic ability, sexual conquest and economic success are not the best measurements of manhood.  Build and value relationships by allowing you to love and be loved.  Practice the concepts of empathy, inclusion and integrity.  Accept responsibility, lead courageously, and enact justice on behalf of others.  Base your thoughts and actions on the importance of serving others.  Make respect a permanent way of dealing with people, he’s listening what you say and watching what you do.

Teach him early and often on how you think he should express his anger and frustration – and what is out of bounds.  Talk with him about what it means to be fair, to learn to share, and treat others with respect.  Help him work through problems in relationships as they arise.  Let him know he can come back and talk to you again anytime.  Use every opportunity to reinforce the message that violence has no place in his life.

Be there and listen to what he has to say.  Listen to how he and his friends feel about violence and how they talk about it.  Ask him if he’s ever seen abusive behavior in his friends.  Is he worried about any of his friends who are being hurt in their relationships?

Tell him how and teach him ways to express his anger without using violence.  Let him know he can always come to you if he feels like things are getting out of hand.  Try to give him examples of what you might say or do in situations that could turn violent.

Bring it up with him in conversations.  Watch TV with him or listen to his music.  Let him know you don’t approve of demeaning jokes, violent videogames and vulgar song lyrics.  Let him know how to define a healthy respectful relationship.

If you are interested in participating in MAN as Mentors, please contact Ned Searle at nsearle@utah.gov